It takes a little time....

So this week has been full of ups and downs, but what I can say is that I am so grateful for our friends, family and clergy....You all are amazing! We have been surrounded by love and compassion from all around. Thank you to everyone who has let me process this out loud also. It's going to take some time to heal, and we want to grieve that part of our loss that we need to. So...although we are moving forward and making plans...we are taking the time we need to. Some things to be praying about are what adoption route to take. We have been encouraged with the possibility of doing an embryo adoption; which my doctor said he was willing to do. Now, as some of you know...because of my Turner Syndrome, there is a possibility of rupture of my aorta with pregnancy or after, so although Turners makes me more at risk than the normal person, on the scale of a Turner patient...I am on the better end of the range (always still a possibility even without pregnancy). There is also the possibility of the traditional adoption route...so we ask for prayers for guidance as we make some of these decisions. The good thing is that we don't need to make them today...and we can take some time. 

Opening and Closing Doors....the Journey Continues.

Well...this is not the place we expected to be. It is with great sadness and joy that I would like to share with you that Andy and I have decided to stop our fertility treatments. The door has been closed in a way....and for that we grieve. It is very hard to let go of that dream, and to surrender our hearts to God in this way; to give up our desire to bear our own child. So we would appreciate your prayers as we grieve...that we would grieve well. But the story does not end here...although that door has closed...the door for adoption has been opened. Let me share a little bit of the story that happened this past week.

After our last meeting with our doctor...we were contemplating IVF. I was set on it. I wanted it. I needed to go for it...(see the problem?).  We were so conflicted as what to do...we sought much council, prayer...and continued to be uneasy between the choices. It was torment for about a week, to the point that Saturday night we asked God to give us some guidance...clear guidance. We had been asking that...but we were more specific. So, earlier that week we went to a function at church where we were given a bracelet that says "What is God Asking of Me?". Ummmm....so that's where it started. Then...we had a couple people ask us if we had considered adoption....and then came communion. As I was at the altar for communion, I just had this heavy conviction that said "Adoption"...and that was it. It was not audible...it was just I felt that impressed upon my heart. I returned to my seat...and started crying. This was not what I wanted. This was not what I thought the plan was. But...what else I was compelled by on Sunday..was that this is NOT about me. This whole process...this whole journey is not about us...it is about Him. It is about what God wants...and as I have said before...He has a plan...even if we don't know what it is. Through this process, the Lord has allowed Andy and I to grow together tremendously. Pray that we may continue to grow in our faith as we travel this road. As many of you know...Andy (my husband) is in his chaplaincy rotation at UT Southwestern. Today...after this past week...he had a poetry class where they had to process some emotions...and I wanted to share what he wrote.

Children    Parents
Parentless  Childless

Nature's Path Altered
Image Bearer Broken
Multiply Divide
Fill the Earth. Unfulfilled.

Tears occupy the Eyes
Sadness invades the Heart
Unable to bear
Orphaned, needing care

Answering the Call
Mending the Fall
Parentless meets Childless
Family is Born

-Andy Johnson

I am so grateful for this man's heart. Please pray for us as we make this transition. This has not been easy emotionally, and we need the Grace of God to continue this journey. Please join with us in prayer for the child/children that God might bring into our home. Please pray for our hearts as they heal from a lost dream...and may they be filled with the hope of this new path. Your love and support have been amazing! So...this journey is not over...

With heavy hearts and hopeful spirits....

Kristyn

Prayers of the Saints....

So, as of the last post, you know my husband and I were thrown a little bit for a loop. We were not expecting to go straight to IVF, or any of the things that come with that. Honestly, we did not know what to do...how to proceed. So...in times like this...you are brought to your knees. What has been amazing are the people who have surrounded us, friends, family, our clergy, in prayer. We thank all of you for your support and prayers as we travel this road. We do not have definite answers yet, but we are grateful for a wonderful and encouraging meeting with our doctor this past Monday. We are grateful for the many discussions we have had with others regarding this whole process...and most importantly...learning to trust God (which I admittedly struggle to do). There has been much grace and mercy all around...and even the opportunity to pour out my frustrations, hurt and pain to God. Please continue to pray that we would honor God, and love each other well. So...this is where we are today...as we continue the journey.

Reality Bites....

So...with a little humor I say that sometimes reality can be difficult...and some days it is. Today, my doctor had a nice little heart to heart with me...and my body is just a stubborn oddity. All the things we thought looked good....are being difficult. So...today is one of those days that I would like to ask for your prayers through this process. We have a lot of BIG decisions to make and pray though....and just ask for you to join with us in that! So....for today...I will be honest...it can be difficult, but God is good, and I know He has a plan. 

Kissing Boo Boo's...

For some reason today...I was thinking that one of the things I look forward to in becoming a mom is kissing the boo boo's, the ouches, the scrapes..etc. You may think this sounds crazy...or silly, or because I am a nurse. It may be all of those things, but ultimately I was contemplating the idea of pain. I thought of those times when we were children when we fell down, got bruised, hurt or injured in some way; any way. What did our mom's do? They kissed our boo boo's and made it "all better". What was it that made me feel better? I know a kiss doesn't heal a wound, or stop the bleeding of a scrape...it does something so much more. It acknowledges the pain. That is healing. Bring that forward into our own lives...and we have wounds, scars, hurts...and when someone takes the time to acknowledge our pain...it brings comfort. So...look around you for the injured...and kiss some boo boo's. 

Oooops...I did it again.

Ok, I have never been great at keeping up with blogs...and unfortunately, I did it again. As I look at the blog, I realize that it has been almost 2yrs since the last post. Ooops! Oh well, life gets busy and things keep going...and finally you have time to reflect on the last year...or two. So...in regards to this blog...this last year has been incredible...and hard...and exciting...and painful...and growing. There is not just one word that can explain the roller coaster of infertility. So...our year began with deciding that this was the year to really try to get pregnant. So....after many years I asked my OB/GYN for a referral. At first she gave me one...but then said "No, I think this other doctor will be better for you." So began our journey. Firstly, let me say that I truly believe that God's hand has been in this whole process. The doctor and the whole office we were referred to have been AMAZING! Oh my goodness. They have walked with us every step of the way...and it has been awesome to have such a great team. Ok...do I digressed, but I had to say what a blessing they have been!

Ok, so in going to our new Reproductive Endocrinologist, we learned a lot more about my Turner's Syndrome that we did not know before. One problem that I could potentially have is a rupture of the aorta with a pregnancy. Whoa! Ummm....I didn't know this. Yep. So Andy and I did a lot of praying and to be honest...I was freaked out at first. "Uh...no! I am not doing that." Then God said "Trust Me."...and I said "I don't know how to do that well"....and we continued on the process. My doctor and my cardiologist worked together and I had an Echo and a Cardiac MRI done...which came back GREAT! Praise the Lord. This does not mean that there are not risks....but it does mean that at the moment...my heart looks good.

Also, I realized that I would have to get healthy if I was going to have a healthy pregnancy and a healthy life....so I began exercising/dieting...and have now lost approximately 18 pounds. So this was a big deal because (if you don't know already) fertility meds can make you gain weight....so this was very important for me.

Ok...so those things were taken care of...and we continued on the process....and through a couple of tests found out that I needed to have surgery. So in April, I had surgery...and it was a blessing. Through the surgery we found some things that needed to be taken care of, and they were at this time.   So....we began the meds. Clomid, Ovidrel and now Follistim. Whew! I will tell you...for those who have not gone through it...you can not understand the craziness of having your hormones stretched, pulled in all directions. LOL! All I have to say is that I am so very thankful for my husband! 8) Anyway...this is where we are at. Thankful for the hope and opportunity, prayerfully proceeding on...and learning to Trust the One who is Trustworthy. I don't know what the future holds...but I know that there is a plan. May God's Grace and Mercy be with all people who are on this journey. Blessings!

Get behind me Gluten.....

Hello All,

It has been a little while since I have posted, but here it goes! Since the last time I posted, I have started a new journey....to the Gluten Free side. I have had many friends do this, but it wasn't until I saw that almost 85% of women with PCOS have a gluten intolerance, that I realized this might be a big part of my infertility issue. I had NO idea...so here we are. Now, I know that you can not do this by diet alone. I have returned to excercising, and hope that this journey with help with my PCOS. I had to share this with all of you who might have PCOS, that there is a high likelyhood of having a gluten intolerance issue. Hope this helps, and I will keep y'all updated!!