Opening and Closing Doors....the Journey Continues.

Well...this is not the place we expected to be. It is with great sadness and joy that I would like to share with you that Andy and I have decided to stop our fertility treatments. The door has been closed in a way....and for that we grieve. It is very hard to let go of that dream, and to surrender our hearts to God in this way; to give up our desire to bear our own child. So we would appreciate your prayers as we grieve...that we would grieve well. But the story does not end here...although that door has closed...the door for adoption has been opened. Let me share a little bit of the story that happened this past week.

After our last meeting with our doctor...we were contemplating IVF. I was set on it. I wanted it. I needed to go for it...(see the problem?).  We were so conflicted as what to do...we sought much council, prayer...and continued to be uneasy between the choices. It was torment for about a week, to the point that Saturday night we asked God to give us some guidance...clear guidance. We had been asking that...but we were more specific. So, earlier that week we went to a function at church where we were given a bracelet that says "What is God Asking of Me?". Ummmm....so that's where it started. Then...we had a couple people ask us if we had considered adoption....and then came communion. As I was at the altar for communion, I just had this heavy conviction that said "Adoption"...and that was it. It was not audible...it was just I felt that impressed upon my heart. I returned to my seat...and started crying. This was not what I wanted. This was not what I thought the plan was. But...what else I was compelled by on Sunday..was that this is NOT about me. This whole process...this whole journey is not about us...it is about Him. It is about what God wants...and as I have said before...He has a plan...even if we don't know what it is. Through this process, the Lord has allowed Andy and I to grow together tremendously. Pray that we may continue to grow in our faith as we travel this road. As many of you know...Andy (my husband) is in his chaplaincy rotation at UT Southwestern. Today...after this past week...he had a poetry class where they had to process some emotions...and I wanted to share what he wrote.

Children    Parents
Parentless  Childless

Nature's Path Altered
Image Bearer Broken
Multiply Divide
Fill the Earth. Unfulfilled.

Tears occupy the Eyes
Sadness invades the Heart
Unable to bear
Orphaned, needing care

Answering the Call
Mending the Fall
Parentless meets Childless
Family is Born

-Andy Johnson

I am so grateful for this man's heart. Please pray for us as we make this transition. This has not been easy emotionally, and we need the Grace of God to continue this journey. Please join with us in prayer for the child/children that God might bring into our home. Please pray for our hearts as they heal from a lost dream...and may they be filled with the hope of this new path. Your love and support have been amazing! So...this journey is not over...

With heavy hearts and hopeful spirits....

Kristyn