Ok...well...sort of. So this morning for some reason I couldn't sleep. This is funny because...apparently I was fast asleep on the couch. My husband got me to bed and I slept for awhile. Then about 1 am I was wide awake...until about 3am....for no reason. The only thing that I could think of was that we had a healing service at church today...and I should probably go. Ok...where did THAT come from??? Seriously, THAT is what is keeping me up??? So I wrestled back and forth about going...and then decided that if I was awaken at this time of morning...I should probably do it. Maybe...ya know...God is prodding my heart or something. As soon as that decision was made...I went right back to sleep. Ok......then it is time to wake up. I get up and do my normal thing and go exercise (trying to forget the whole time that I am suppose to go to the service). As I am still fighting back and forth the whole time (because for some reason I didn't want to go...why, I don't know)...I told Andy that I was suppose to go to the service, and we could do lunch after. So....off I went.
So what does my priest talk about? It was about the parable where the master gives his workers a denari for their tasks for the day. Toward the end of the day, the master hires more workers and gives them the same amount...which makes the original workers angry, because they had worked the whole day for the same amount. The master did not cheat them out of anything...that was what they had agreed upon, he was gracious and fulfilled his promise to all his workers, and provided graciously for them all. My priest then begins to talk about our attitude, when things seem unfair...but God gives graciously to us all. I totally saw my self as one of the early workers who would have thought it wasn't fair that those who worked an hour got the same as the ones who worked all day.....and that's when it hit me...I was meant to be there.
Let me bring it around to how it hit me. As you all know, our journey has not been easy...and it is no secret that I have had difficulties with my attitude at certain times during this process. Being brought to the healing service this morning...I thought I was being drawn there for my infertility issues (which I did pray about), or our future children (which I also prayed about)....but what was glaringly apparent...was that I have felt slighted by God. I have felt robbed...and THAT is what has needed healing. This deep part of my soul needs to be touched and healed and I can NOT judge how God decides to express His generosity towards us or anyone else...because even though I did not realize it...He is doing that for me and Andy. He has NOT robbed us. He has been faithful. He will continue to be faithful. This journey is so much bigger than I realized. He wants ALL of me. So....that is where things are today. I hope that this makes sense in some sort of way.
We thank you as always for your prayers as we wait for our match.
Grace and Peace to you all,
Kristyn
So what does my priest talk about? It was about the parable where the master gives his workers a denari for their tasks for the day. Toward the end of the day, the master hires more workers and gives them the same amount...which makes the original workers angry, because they had worked the whole day for the same amount. The master did not cheat them out of anything...that was what they had agreed upon, he was gracious and fulfilled his promise to all his workers, and provided graciously for them all. My priest then begins to talk about our attitude, when things seem unfair...but God gives graciously to us all. I totally saw my self as one of the early workers who would have thought it wasn't fair that those who worked an hour got the same as the ones who worked all day.....and that's when it hit me...I was meant to be there.
Let me bring it around to how it hit me. As you all know, our journey has not been easy...and it is no secret that I have had difficulties with my attitude at certain times during this process. Being brought to the healing service this morning...I thought I was being drawn there for my infertility issues (which I did pray about), or our future children (which I also prayed about)....but what was glaringly apparent...was that I have felt slighted by God. I have felt robbed...and THAT is what has needed healing. This deep part of my soul needs to be touched and healed and I can NOT judge how God decides to express His generosity towards us or anyone else...because even though I did not realize it...He is doing that for me and Andy. He has NOT robbed us. He has been faithful. He will continue to be faithful. This journey is so much bigger than I realized. He wants ALL of me. So....that is where things are today. I hope that this makes sense in some sort of way.
We thank you as always for your prayers as we wait for our match.
Grace and Peace to you all,
Kristyn
